im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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