all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
