he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
