ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Actions speak louder than pants.
How's work?
Spinning.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
