I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
