We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's the barista slut.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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