Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
