There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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