Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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