you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
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Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
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I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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