hotel room ftw
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
