I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
