Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
