wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize