Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
