Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
