no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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