well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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