How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
