Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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