he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
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I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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