wrigley field is MILF paradise
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
