Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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