it was like eating out sand paper
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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