Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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