My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
