What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
