all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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