Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
