with your own penis?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
