i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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