So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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