Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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