Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We had to coat check the pizza.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
