he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need a burrito and a hug.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
