I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
