Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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