In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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