if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
