I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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