i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
