i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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