Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
