you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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