We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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