Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
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When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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