Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
