capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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