Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
