clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
