Just fell off a train. Bad.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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