he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
