did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
