Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i out mim tonsoeep
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