and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
