I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
