Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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