There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
